Malaysian father-son barbers have cut hair for over 1,000 kids on the autism spectrum

‘To make business and family work, understanding is key,’ says Darmalingam (right). Photos: The Star/Low Lay Phon

Darmalingam Manickam, 73, and his son Sivarajah, 47, are hairstylists who have, at times, been bitten, scratched and even spat on by their customers.

But the father-and-son team from Bangi, Selangor, take it all in their stride.

Many of their customers are children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) – and both of them understand exactly what it takes to care for and connect with neurodivergent kids.

Darmalingam’s late sister, Malani, had low-functioning autism. Growing up with her gave him a deep insight into the challenges and needs of individuals on the spectrum.

Darmalingam (right) says it’s important to make children feel at ease so they are comfortable throughout the haircut.Photo: The Star/Sheela Chandran

“My sister was my ‘teacher’,” says Darmalingam. “It’s only when you have a sibling with disability that you begin to truly understand what it means to care for and love someone so deeply.”

Malani lived with Darmalingam’s family until she passed away from uterine cancer at the age of 46.

Growing up alongside his aunt, Sivarajah was already familiar with the challenges and care involved in supporting a person with disabilities.

Clippers, care and compassion

Associated with a wide range of behaviours and developmental differences, ASD is a lifelong condition. Individuals with autism often require ongoing support throughout their lives.

According to the United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), autism affects approximately one in 31 children aged eight years old. Based on this statistics, the National Autism Society of Malaysia (Nasom) estimates that around 9,000 children are born with autism in Malaysia each year.

Common characteristics of ASD include difficulties with social interaction, challenges in interpreting non-verbal communication and intense focus on specific interests.

Many children on the spectrum experience sensory overload and often struggle to cope with everyday sounds – including the snipping of scissors and the buzzing of a trimmer.

While these sounds may seem ordinary to most of us, they can be overwhelming and even distressing for a child with autism, sometimes triggering anxiety, fear or a meltdown.

Darmalingam’s hair studio has been thoughtfully decorated to be inviting and interesting for kids – a colourful space where children can relax while they get their haircut.

The walls are adorned with spinning flower wheels, and baskets with toys are scattered around the room.

Colourful character masks including Marvel’s Iron Man, Star Wars’ Stormtroopers, and the Minions from Despicable Me hang on the walls.

Darmalingam’s studio is designed as a space where children feel welcome, calm, safe and relaxed.

Even the hairdryers are jazzed up with gold tape and stickers to make them more appealing to young customers.

The hair clippers are specially chosen for their low noise levels, helping children feel more at ease during their haircuts.

“As a sweet reward after a haircut, we hand out lollipops and candies. You should see the big smile on their faces,” says Darmalingam.

With his thick and well-groomed beard, Darmalingam is hard to miss. The septuagenarian dresses in a flamboyant outfit each day (think multi-coloured jackets, harem pants, bright sneakers and a turban adorned with embellishments). He wears an autism badge in support of kids on the spectrum too.

Darmalingam (left) and his son Sivarajah are among the few hairstylists in the country who specialise in giving haircuts to children on the autism spectrum.

Darmalingam shares: “One of the key factors in cutting the hair of neurodivergent kids is making them feel comfortable. And they need to be distracted when we cut their hair.”

Before becoming a barber, Darmalingam worked as a technician with Telekom Malaysia (TM) in Kuala Lumpur. He opened his barbering business – Mr D Hair Studio – in the late 1980s.

Sivarajah helps autistic boy Arrian Rizky Mohd Jazlan, six, feel at ease during his haircut. Photo: The Star/Sheela Chandran“I left my full-time job to care for my father, who had suffered a stroke, and my autistic sister,” shares the father of two. “I’ve always had a passion for hairstyling since I was a teenager. Running my own barbershop gave me the flexibility to look after my ailing dad while pursuing a dream job,” explains Darmalingam.

Sivarajah used to work as a customer service executive at TM. But in his mid-20s, he left his job to join his father full-time at the barbershop. Both father and son hold a diploma in hairstyling from a hairdressing academy in KL.

“We come from a middle-class family,” Sivarajah says. “I decided to follow Appa’s (father) footsteps because I wanted to continue the family business. We also wanted to build something of our own – something we can be proud of,” says Sivarajah, who uploads videos of their haircuts (for regular customers and for those with special needs) on Instagram (@mrdhairstudio).

Snip by snip

Mr D’s Hair Studio has been in operation for nearly 40 years and has been welcoming children with autism for close to two decades.

It all began one day when a young boy with autism came in for a haircut – after being turned away by other barbers who found him too difficult to handle.

“The boy was about four years old back then. In the beginning, I couldn’t even bring him into the shop. My son and I had to trim his hair outside the studio because he found it hard to adjust to a new environment. But because of Malani, we knew how to handle him. We patiently coaxed him to get him familiar with our tools.

Darmalingam wears an autism badge in support of kids on the spectrum.“He’s in his mid-20s now. Whenever he comes over, he hugs and kisses me. People on the spectrum need trust and that’s how our bond develops,” says Darmalingam.

Word about their service quickly spread within the autism community, with Nasom also helping to recommend them.

Over the years, they have provided haircuts for hundreds – if not thousands – of children on the spectrum, ranging from low to high functioning.

Now, they style the hair of about 60 to 70 autistic children each month.

“Some of them can’t sit still – they spin around, move from chair to chair or even lie down. We simply follow their lead. Whether they prefer to be outside, inside or even on the floor, we adapt to whatever makes them comfortable.

“When dealing with children with autism who are aggressive, we use protective padding on our hands and pants,” says Sivarajah, who has two children.

For Darmalingam, everyone is welcome to the barbershop – whether they have Down syndrome, autism, visual impairment or other conditions.

“We also spend anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour with each family, talking to the parents, offering advice on how to care for their child with special needs. It’s almost like a therapy session,” says Darmalingam, adding their charges are from RM20.

He hopes that someday, someone will come forward to help him open a dedicated hair studio tailored specifically for children on the spectrum.

Thanks to their services, more members of the public are beginning to better understand autism.

“Most of our regular customers are used to seeing kids with special needs and are very understanding. Instead of judging them, our customers are calm and supportive when these kids have a meltdown. That’s what true awareness really means,” says Sivarajah.

Darmalingam (left) and Sivarajah are making haircuts a kinder experience for children on the spectrum.

Cut from the same cloth

Darmalingam, Sivarajah and their family all live under one roof – in a home located just above their hair studio. While the arrangement is convenient, Sivarajah admits that it isn’t always easy. They work side by side from 10am to 9pm, six days a week.

“Everyone needs their own space,” Sivarajah admits. “But we’ve learned a lot. It’s all about compromise.”

Darmalingam chips in: “To make business and family work, understanding is key. At the studio, we give each other space – there’s no overruling, even though I’m the father.

“If I don’t agree with something, I just keep quiet. He’s an adult, so I let him make his own decisions, right or wrong.”

Agatheesan (right) is slowly learning the ropes of the barbering trade from his grandfather (centre) and father. Photo: Sivarajah Darmalingam

The studio is closed on Tuesdays, to give the family a chance to rest and recharge. Occasionally, they do grocery shopping together, and at times, Darmalingam teaches his grandson, Agatheesan, 21, the ropes of the barbering trade.

Sivarajah doesn’t have any specific plans for Fathers Day. He knows both of them will be extremely busy tending to their customers, including those with special needs, that day.

“It’ll be a regular day for us,” says Sivarajah. “I’m blessed to have Appa with me every single day.”

Darmalingam smiles and adds, “That, in itself, is the best Father’s Day gift I could ask for.”