PETALING JAYA: Several former bullies admitted targeting their peers in school out of a desire to feel powerful over those they saw as weaker, while convincing themselves it was “just harmless fun”.
However, over time, these former bullies realised the damage they had caused and wished they had acted differently.
Bullying in schools, as defined by Unesco, is “a damaging social process that is characterised by an imbalance of power driven by social (societal) and institutional norms”.
“It is often repeated and manifests as unwanted interpersonal behaviour among students or school personnel that causes physical, social and emotional harm to the targeted individuals or groups and the wider school community.”
A 45-year-old corporate worker, who declined to be named, admitted she was once a bully in Standard Four because she wanted to fit in with the popular group.
“It was peer pressure. I’ve always been with the ‘popular’ cliques. But this particular group of girls took to bullying and being mean to some of the younger and weaker kids. And I was conditioned to join them. No excuses but that was what I did.”
She recalled how they often targeted children one or two years younger, deliberately using harsh words to reduce them to tears.
“It only stopped when one of the victims told her parents and they got involved,” she added.
Looking back, she said she spent the rest of her school years and even after finishing secondary school trying to make up for her mistake.
She even had the chance to meet the girl she had bullied and apologised in person.
“I felt really bad because I knew what I did was wrong. I lived with regret, so I tried to make up for it by protecting weaker kids at school,” she said.
Her advice to others: “If you want to feel powerful or popular, don’t be mean and do it at the expense of others.
“Bullying will only eat away at you in the long run.”
Trisha, 24, (not her real name) recalled bullying a timid, smart classmate when she was nine.
“I would keep dropping his pencil and eraser on purpose, making him pick them up.
“I also took his book to copy his homework. At the time, I thought it was harmless fun,” she said.
Looking back, she regrets her actions.
“I wish I had been more mindful. Children should be taught empathy from a young age and those who are timid should also be encouraged to speak up.”
Kamal, a 37-year-old businessman, admitted that during his school years, he often ganged up with friends to mock and intimidate weaker classmates.
“At that time, we thought it was just fun and games. We would laugh whenever our classmates became scared and begged us to stop. Perhaps it gave us a sense of superiority, but in truth, it was an immature and cruel way of dealing with our own insecurities,” he said.
Now a father, Kamal said the regret weighs heavily on him.
“I’m ashamed of my actions. If I could turn back time, I wouldn’t have done those things.
“Today, I constantly remind my children about kindness and empathy, so they don’t repeat my mistakes,” he said.
Lim, 33, an analyst, said he and his friends used to target a classmate who had a mole on his face, teasing him until he had it removed.
“We were shocked when he did it, but instead of stopping, we continued to make fun of him when the mole grew back,” he recalled.
With hindsight, Lim now recognised the cruelty of their behaviour.
“Looking back, it must have been traumatic for him. I feel genuinely sorry for what we did,” he said.
